Welcome to Hillary Fans 4 McCain!

Dear ex-Hillary fans who are showing their support for her by ignoring her call to support Obama and supporting McCain,

First, I'd like to congratulate you. You've asked yourself WWJMD and you've decided to vote against your own interests and principles while furthering Senator McCain’s. Before you’re allowed on the band wagon, we are asking you to sign the following oath. A McCain presidency will mean different things for different people, so we have tailored the oaths accordingly.

Loyalty Oath for Poor People

I _______________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's

• brave confession that the "issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should"
• opposition to raising the minimum wage
• claim that the economy is "strong"
  
• promise to make Bush's tax cuts permanent
• commitment to outsourcing
  
• fight against of health care, unemployment insurance, social security, and job training
  

As a poor person I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to

• never complain about the minimum wage
• never get sick
• never lose by job
• move to China, Colombia, Peru, India for work

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my losing my health, home, or financial security. And I will continue to refrain from pursuing a living wage.

Signature ____________

The McCain Loyalty Oath For Women

The McCain Loyalty Oath for Women

I _______________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's

• fight to overturn Roe v wade and my right to choose
• fight against equal pay for men and women
  
• opposition to providing low-income and uninsured women and families with health care services ranging from breast and cervical cancer screening to birth control
• opposition to sex education and support of abstinence only education
• making birth control covered by insurance
• endorsement of women's rights more "in theory" than in practice
• pet name for his wife

As a woman I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to

• call myself and my female friends the C word
• picket abortion clinics
• not use contraceptives
• drink bleach so I don't catch HIV and drink Mountain due so I don't get pregnant.
• give back part of my salary to male coworkers
• not vote, but pursue education and encourage my father/husband/brother male friends to vote for McCain

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my losing my right to choose, and other reproductive freedoms. And I will continue to refrain from pursuing equality for women.

Signature ____________

LOYALTY OATH FOR STRAIGHT WHITE MEN!

The McCain Loyalty Oath for Straight White Men

Straight white men, I bet you thought we left you out. This country may have turned its back on you, but we haven't. Here's a pledge of your own:

I _______________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's...

• commitment to follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell.
• opposition to limiting soldiers' deployment to 12 months.
• fight against benefits for veterans.
• support of Bush's preemptive war doctrine.
• Operation Infinite Presence in Iraq.

As a straight white man I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to...

• use Iran/Iraq and Shiites/Sunnis interchangeably.
• clear my schedule for the next 100 years.
• enlist in the military.
• follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell (while smiling).
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Iraq.
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Iran.
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Syria.
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Venezuela.

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my loss of limbs or life. And I will continue to refrain from questioning the war in Iraq or any other wars we will be fighting.

Signature __________________________________

Loyalty Oath For Gay People

Dear Gay Hillary Fans for McCain.
Thank you for voting against your own interests and principles. Here is a loyalty oath you can sign!

I _______________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's

• promise to protect "the sanctity of marriage as between a man and woman."
• commitment to banning federal recognition of gay marriage and domestic partnerships.
• commitment to the Army's Don't ask don't tell policy and acknowledge that "even reopen the issue" would be a "terrific mistake."

As a gay person I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to

• Vote for John McCain
  
• Stop engaging in gay sex
• enroll in a program to treat my homosexuaity and "straighten" myself out, such as A M.A.N.S. (Masculinity, Authenticity, Need Fulfillment, Surrender) Journey:
• install nanny cams in my house
• Admit that fellow homosexuals and I are responsible for natural disasters, including Katrina

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my loss of civil rights.

Continue to refrain from gay sex
Sincerely,

Welcome to Hillary Fans 4 McCain!

We are Hillary supporters who are supporting McCain. And we invite you to join our Hillary Fans 4 McCain Campaign. Please sign the loyalty oaths provided below.
Thanks,
Management